mummy's birthday

没有妈咪的第124天

妈咪的生日.

It's mummy's birthday today. haven had a proper birthday celebration before she left us for a better world, a place that she wont feel anymore pain. I've regretted that i didnt find time to celebrate the last few birthdays of hers. i'm sorry mum. mum, hope u are having a grand birthday party wherever u r now. I'm sure all of us here will be wishing u all the best. i love you.

It's a little too late to regret now. :(

没有妈咪的第33天

阿咪,我很想你!!!

没有妈咪的第八天

today's sunday, a week after mummy left. we are doing quite alright but i still feel dad's a little not right. maybe cos he has been keeping everything to himself. friday night my relatives came over to stay over at my place cos sat is tou qi. it's said that mummy will come home to take a look at home and ppl who has fate with her or ppl who she wans to see will be able to see her. sat morning, da jiu says that he saw her, and i believe that she came back. i heard da jiu talking when he's slping. er jiu says he dreamt of her. dad too dreamt that she held his hand. i believe she's back but didn't wanted to alert us. she'll just see us from a distance. i suppose she alerted da jiu and er jiu cos they wasn't able to make it to see her the last time. i rmb i placed mummy's phone straight on my desk, but it was slanted in the morning. mummy, why didn't you talk to me? i miss you..

when to ju shi lin this morning to do up some administration stuff to put a shen zhu pai there. everything went on smoothly, guess is mummy's arrangement. the temple only put up shen zhu pai every last sunday of the month. mummy's 47th day is on the last sat of dec so just nice the next day she'll sit up der. no need to wait or wad.

went over to ah ma's place as the usual practise as mummy was ard. everyone is fine. i bet mummy's happy to see that.

DEAR U

我们都很想念你

在你离开以后这些日子里

以往的每次想起

眼泪都象汗水一样的决堤

你临走前的那些日子

我们每一个人都尽量的掩饰

不让你看到伤心的样子

心里的痛苦永远无法解释

看着疾病不断侵蚀你的生命

多想让时间暂停

让你再感受多点温馨

你松开了双手

带走你的温柔

连说声再见的时间也(都)没有

只希望你能快乐永远无忧

一切(所有)的幸福都在你左右

你松开了双手

带走你的温柔

我们还会相亲相爱到永久

遇到风雨的时候

紧握彼此的(双)手

你的爱已足够成为我们坚强的理由

最后的那段时间里

我一回家就会去看看你

多想用自己全部的能力

换你坚强生还的勇气

妹妹经常在夜里

千万次地呼唤妈妈的名字

或许她还不曾想起

最爱她的你已经不在这里

mummy, i told ya that i'll win a tournament for you and i promise i'll try my best in this tournament. i know you wont blame me for being unable to do it cos you always told me to jing li jiu hao. but i want you to know you've got a son who can do it! i want you to be proud of me! (: love ya... (:

没有妈咪的第五天

today's the fifth day mummy left her physical self, but i believe she's always with me. i talked to her every night, and yesterday night is the last night i can talk to her body. i told mummy, 'mummy, you can leave peacefully. i will be strong, i'll be the pillar of the family. i will look after my brother and daddy. and also ah ma and ah gong. mum, pls give me the courage tmr (which is today).'

i know i cannot cry. i cannot show how sad i was to send her off. cos if i do so, it'll be a domino effect. and i did it. i can feel the courage mummy had when she was fighting the disease. i'm sad, but my tears didn't drop. i can even smile to mummy. (: i love you mummy, i miss you.

sent mummy off at ard 3pm and the cremation starts at 345pm. we stand at the viewing gallery, sounds of the tears and all didnt overwhelm me. i stood strong, chanting the wang sheng zhou. praying for mummy to go into the desired type of world. a world without sufferings. she had suffered enough.

sent her to Ju Shi Lin for her stay here for the next 44 days. at there, shifu will pray for her daily and she'll soon be free from all. (: came back home and started all the tidying and stuff, waiting for mummy to come home on sat morning cos it's the tou qi. (first 7 days) i hope i've fate with her and will see her. i want to affirm her tat i'll be strong to take up the family. She always have faith in me i know.

没有妈咪的第四天

today is the fourth day that you left. till now i still feel regretful for all the things that i didn't do for you. i really miss you, i know dad is too. he's always with a smile cos he doesn't want us to worry and also he wants you to be able to leave in peace. he knows that you doesn't wish to see us cry and i knew that too. i tried.

i so wanted to take a picture with you when you're back at hm then. but i know i can't, cos you won't want to see youself in that condition. i hope the time i spent with you thru your last few months of your journey makes you happy. i'm glad tat i did though i wish i had more time.

everytime i go back home to take a shower or something, the first thing i saw was the bed. the bed which you passed away on. i would walk over to the bed. and in me, you're like still there. pictures of you talking to me like before. i would even smell the pillow that u've used, ur smell is still der. mummy i really really miss you badly. i so want you back, but i can't.. )':

i know i've to be strong, and i promised you that i will to take up this family and ah gong ah ma. i'm trying. but i'm so scared that i would break down during the day of cremation. everytime i walk near the coffin, i so wish i could see you again, but it's totally covered. i understand dad doesn't want to hurt you even you've left. so i rather tat i can't see you physically cos i know you're with me mentally. i can 'see' you thru anything.

YOU'RE ALWAYS IN MY HEART. LOVE YA LOTS!

没有你的第320天... 晴

this period had been stressful. ppl might think, 'wah, so good ar, dont need to go back camp, shiok'. but wadever la, u think it's really that shiok? i wish i can jolly well change my situation with ppl and see mum gets well man. wth. i've been staying home the whole day, trying to spend more time with mum. she's in such a poor thing condition. i didnt see her like this before. pls be strong.

mummy i love you..

i'm so scared. i dont know wad to do... i knew of the situation long ago but i just kept running, running away... i dont want to lose her, i cant bare to do so. i regretted for not being with her when she tries to spent more time with me. i really regretted. how i wish i can talk to her and accompany her to holidays and etc.. i missed the times when she's well. sorry... i didnt did tat on purpose, louis vuitton handbags i just dont know why i kept running. at times i knew u long to be accompanied by me but i choose to go out. i dont want to think of the bad things.

now u are unable to move about, to watch me bowl, to eat dinner with me, etc. i cant help tearing when i tht of how i treated you before. i really very very afraid that you would leave me just like tat.

every single thing in the house reminds me of u. how you look like now. u looked like you are suffering, and it hurts me. really. i tried to be strong. i had to put on a brave front. i cant let u worry about me.

god, pls. i beg you, dont take her away from me. i want to make up for wad i havent done the past few years. i want to bring her around, hug her and even kiss her. i want her to see me get married and stuff.. pls pls pls, pls give me this chance... I love you...